Jess Lively

 

Once upon a time there was a little site called “Spring” with monthly video discussions among four lovely creative ladies. Think The View mixed with helpful and inspiring content in blogland.

I just so happened to be one of these ladies. And this summer, two of the lovely Spring women, Jessica and Michelle, have launched their own book, The Declaration of You!

I’m beyond excited for them and cannot be happier to be a part of their Declaration of You Blog Lovin’ Tour today.

Plus, this leg of their “tour” is all about intention, so it’s right up my alley!

 

When it comes to designing my life with intention, I often get a lot of questions about how I actually go about setting my own personal intentions for my life during the Life with Intention workshops.

So today, I’d like to talk a little bit about how I go about setting a intentions for myself. 

(I will also say that this is simply what has worked for me after seven years of trial and error. I encourage you to being your own journey and find what is best for you and your life.)

The first thing I always do is start with a vision. You could obviously use a vision board for this, but my personal method is to write myself a future letter and explain in detail the life I’d like to cultivate in the next year as well as what I’ve accomplished in the future (shared in past tense, as if it has already happened).

Once I have a vision of what my optimal, but not “perfect” life, I then go about uncovering the intentions that would help me to achieve the lifestyle I desire.

Mind you, I try to stay away from “goals” (my perfectionist streak takes those things waaaay too seriously for my own good), shiny pennies, or metrics.

True intentions, to me, are enduring and flexible with changes in my life and feel doable immediately, in every moment.

As you might guess, I do my best to come from my gut with my intentions, not my ego.

This means if I’m thinking about my health, my ego might want to create some perfectionistic version of what I should eat, weigh, and do. Intentions from an egoic place in my life included “losing x pounds,” “running a marathon (to lose weight),” “eating six servings of fruits and veggies a day,” etc.

Though there is nothing truly wrong with having goals like those, they are not really intentions that I now strive for.

For 10 years, my ego tried to control my actions and outcomes with these kinds of tactics and I never had much success keeping them up. What if I became pregnant and could weigh “x pounds” anymore? What if I got injured and couldn’t run a marathon? What if I was travelling and didn’t have access to six servings of veggies?

In each of these cases my egoic intentions failed me. They were not principled enough to last me through setbacks, exceptions, and left me with a thinly veiled list of rules to live by. 

Now, with my gut in charge, my intentions are much softer, gentler, and powerful.

My intention for my health? To listen to my gut and eat what it desires until I am satisfied. To move my body for my mental and physical wellbeing.

Sure, I can choose to run a marathon one year if I feel like it. But the marathon is not the intention, it’s an action I’m taking because it supports the intention to move my body for physical wellbeing and to enhance my mental determination.

If I get injured? No big deal. I didn’t fail – I still pushed myself mentally and physically and did what I was capable of given the circumstances.

I could also work to include more fruits and veggies if my gut was telling me that I would feel better doing so. In fact, my gut did tell me that not too long ago, and I started to eat raspberry and kale smoothies regularly.

All in all, I’ve been simply amazed at the difference in my life when I shifted to intentions based on my peaceful gut’s nudging.

I never would have believed it, but many ego intentions I used to have – which went unmet for so many years – have now actually happened in my life as a natural outcome from following my gut’s gentle intentions. It turns out I never had to force rules (ego intentions) on myself to reach the outcomes I sought.

So though I might be a more extreme case than some in this whole perfectionist/ego thing, I do believe that there is so much wisdom to be gained from within ourselves that we often never seek. But when asked, our guts can lead us to the life we truly want.

Actions must be taken but they need to come from a place of peace in order to be effective.

For me, gut intentions really do make all the difference.

 

(PS – Since I am on vacation there will be no Wish I Knew Wednesday tomorrow. A new WIK season will begin next week!)

 

 

A few weeks ago I had one of my most amazing and surreal blogging experiences to date.

Blogger and friend, Nicole, of Making it Lovely  invited with Kim and Heidi  and I to Camp Wandawega for an overnight stay. It was an insane offer which we all  said YES!!!! to immediately.

Because it was so freaking cute, I really wanted to share some peeks from the camp.

It’s located in Elkhorn, Wisconsin, and yes, the do allow people to rent the whole camp for weddings (how insane would that be?!).

The place is impeccable. From what we could tell, we are pretty sure the whole camp is outfitted with vintage and re-used finds.

As an avid flea market shopper, I was more inspired than ever to include more vintage pieces into my home and design projects.

 

 

Want to see more of Wandawega? You can also see more photos and details about the trip over on Nicole, Kim, and Heidi’s blogs as well.

Today Mr. Lively and I are headed to Napa Valley to attend my friend, Crystal’s wedding this weekend and then visit with Mr. Lively’s parents and older brother who live on the west coast in San Francisco.

It’s going to be a great way to unwind and celebrate after the ebook launch and 2013 With Intention workshops.

While I’m away there will posting just like normal, so stay tuned.

Thank you so much for reading and have a great weekend!

 

Hi, everyone, Jen here! Do you have big plans for the weekend? I can’t think of a better to kick it off than with an awesome Design Your Life feature, can you?

Today we have the lovely Rian of Truth and Cake. You are going to love her fresh point of view on life and how she lives it with intention. I definitely learned a lot from what she said and I think you will too. And if you haven’t visited her blog, please do, I think you will fall in love with it!

 

 

 

Sometime around 6th grade, I learned that a stiff upper lip and a flippant attitude were the keys to the cool kid kingdom: wear the right clothes, keep your guard up, act like you have all the answers. As an adult, I’ve spent a lot of time rewiring the part of my brain that gets defensive and know-it-ally. It’s a powerful thing to say, “I don’t have the answer” or “I’m not feeling great,” or “Hey, I really like you.” But, for a lot of us, it no longer comes naturally. What a different world we would live in if we regularly allowed others to see our vulnerabilities. The more I’ve worked at this intention, the more I’ve noticed the way it affects the people around me: letting my guard down gives others the courage to do the same. And that drives me to keep at it, even on the days when my ego’s screaming, “No, no, wear the cool kid jeans!”

 

 

I took this picture during a trip to Portland last summer–the hotel had turntables in every room and my husband and I took full advantage, jumping on the bed and dancing our hearts out to Prince and The Shins. I majored in theatre in college and play was so encouraged and so integral to what we did that when I finally made it out into the big, wide “real” world, my first thought was, “Why so serious?” For a long time I tried to adapt and cover up that part of myself by acting more “adult” and responsible. But eventually, I realized that I really, really wanted to do the running man. In public. Possibly while lip syncing. So now I do.

 

 

If you’d asked me at 20 what my life would look like today, there’s no way I would have said: “Oh, I think I’ll meet an awesome South African guy in Rome and we’ll move to Canada and get married and travel the world together.” Definitely didn’t see that one coming! I wouldn’t have the big, sometimes crazy life I have today if I hadn’t left room for unexpected possibilities and said, “Okay, let’s try that.” When life becomes overly packed with expectations and fillers, there isn’t a lot of space to say yes to the unexpected, the new, the glimmer of an idea that may be burning in the back of your mind. I try not to get too fixated on what I think the future is supposed to look like or who I ‘should’ become because I know that the very best parts of my life so far have been totally unscripted.

 

 

I do tabatas with my trainer, which are these 20 second bursts of exercise where you push, push, push and then rest for 10 seconds. I used to count my reps so that I could try to beat my score on the final round, until my trainer pointed out that I was totally missing the point of the exercise. The idea, he told me, was to go as hard as you could every single time as if it were your last. This was a huge lightbulb moment for me. I realized I was saving the best for last in many aspects of my life: I always left the best bite of food for the end of the meal, I was saving up all of my really good ideas for a rainy day, I would give things a half-hearted try. Now, instead of storing it up, I try to go all out, as hard as I can the first time. I eat the good stuff before it gets cold and use my ideas before they grow stale. Before, I was living with a scarcity mindset: if I use it all up, maybe there won’t be any more. But I’ve found that the opposite is actually true. Every time I hit ‘publish’ on a blog post or do a killer set of burpees, I take a deep breath and realize: wow, there’s actually more where that came from.

 

 

The trip to the grocery store, the boring car ride, the fight with my husband, the annoying paperwork: sometimes I feel a strong urge to hit fast-forward on life, to skip past all of the mundane and unpleasant crap and get to the “good” stuff. How often have I heard myself or someone else say, “I just have to get through these last couple days and then it’s the weekend, hurray.” It’s so easy to get trapped in the mindset of wanting to ‘arrive’ at that magical place where all of those juggled balls finally fall perfectly into place. But there are always going to be hiccups and boring tasks and fights. It’s part of the deal. Rushing through it isn’t the answer. So I try my best to show up for all of it, good or bad. Because this moment right here, this is it–messy, beautiful life.

 

Check out past DESIGN YOUR LIFE interviews. And if you would like to be considered for a Design Your Life feature, please email Jen at hello(at)with-intention.com

 

Though they are unrelated (and have very different tones),these passages below from The 4-Hour Workweek and The Alchemist have both struck me as wise and worthy to share.

 

A kind, but firm, decision-making smack down by Tim Ferriss, The 4-Hour Workweek

“But you really don’t understand my situation. It’s complicated!”

But is it really?

Don’t confuse the complex with the difficult. Most situations are simple – many are just emotionally difficult to act upon. The problem and the solution are usually obvious and simple.

It’s not that you don’t know what to do. Of course you do. You are just terrified you might end up worse off than you are now.

I’ll tell you right now: If you’re at this point, you won’t be worse off. Revisit fear-setting and cut the cord.

 

How to approach worry and the future by Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

When people consult me, it’s not that I’m reading the future; I am guessing at the future. The future belongs to God (the Universe), and it is only he who reveals it, under extraordinary circumstances.

How do I guess at the future? Based on omens of the present. The secret is here in the present.

If you pay attention to the present, you can improve upon it. And, if you improve on the present, what comes later will also be better.

Forget about the future, and live each day according to the teachings, confident that God (the Universe) loves his children. Each day, in itself, brings with it an eternity.

 

A few salty and sweet nuggets o’ wisdom for the day!