IfYouAreFeelingLost

Last week’s Ask Me Anything was a lot of fun! It was so great to help so many of you in such a personal way. I plan on doing another one of these AMA’s in a few months, so stay tuned!

In the meantime, I’d like to address one of the popular phrases that stuck out to me in answering the questions you shared.

“I feel lost.” 

This phrase was shared from people in relationships. Out of relationships. In a job. And out of a job.

And I can totally relate.

When I was just a few months into starting Jess LC (my old accessory company) full-time, I remember many moments where I didn’t know what to do next to make the business grow.

I didn’t have a boss to guide me.

The was no promise that rent would be paid.

And I had no clue what to do about a difficult sales rep situation that left me feeling extremely insecure.

(So insecure, in fact, that anxiety filled my chest every time I passed their office on the bus for about two years. True story.)

At the time, it felt like I hit a dead end. I didn’t know what to do next or how to move forward.

Over time, I sloooowly realized that: 

The reason we feel lost is because we rely on our own ego/brain/current skills/understanding, when we really needed to connect to the deeper part of our being – our intuition – for guidance. 

In the beginning, I didn’t really know how to access that part of me though.

I simply knew that my head/ego did not have the answers that I sought.

So I turned to spirituality as a pathway to finding that deeper understanding.

It wasn’t super pretty at first.

I pretty much just begged to the Universe to help me.

Literally. Aloud.

– I stopped just short of shaking my fists at the air.

But over the years, I’ve found a nicer, gentler approach that has served me well. And, I hope, this method can also help you connect to that deeper part of you that knows what you need to know in this moment that can bring peace.

The practice is simple: go to a quiet spot and write out the questions you have and wait to hear the responses that come to you from within. 

It’s like journaling, but you are just asking questions and writing down the responses you hear inside.

Mind you, you aren’t personally answering the questions with your ego/stream of consciousness. You want to wait and listen for the response to come.

For me, I hear it in my “gut” or stomach area. Others hear it in their heart.

And since I know this might sound a little strange, I thought it might be helpful if I share an excerpt from one of my own conversations with my intuition to help you see what a conversation like this can look like.

 

A conversation with my Intuition

 

{{Backstory: This particular conversation is from a few months ago and is about a project I have not yet shared. So for now, the topic is replaced by blanks. When the time is right, I’ll share the whole story.}}

 

ME: [Universe/Intuition/God], why do I have this inner conflict? What is it about? 

INTUITION: It is about the reason that you are supposed to _______. You are already helping people – but that has grown a bit dim.

And you are happy right now in your comfort zone, at least for a little while.

Just taking the changes that you have made [so far] has left you a bit burned out and moving so fast you weren’t able to really feel safe.

So you kinda put this out of your mind and reveled in a break from the fast pace that you have been on – or at least you think you have been on.

But the truth is that you are ready.

Why I am I supposed to ________? 

Because it will help people. And you.

But I already help people, why _______ specifically?

Because you will connect to them in a deeper way, in a transformative way that you cannot do in one-on-one sessions or on the blog.

Will I really help them? I’m scared.

You are scared of the unknown. You always have been. This just feels bigger to you.

It feels bigger to me because I know that I heard you say it. You told me to ________.

I’ve never asked you before and now it feels big and important and really like if I don’t do it perfectly than I will fail at my purpose.

I will fail at my destiny. 

It is not your destiny to _______. That is a part of your journey and nothing more.

Okay, that takes some pressure off of it. Thanks. 

Also, you cannot fail at it.

As long as you decide to do it and listen to me, it cannot fail. The only way it can fail is if you don’t do it at all.

And even then, you are whole and complete. Nothing is lacking.

Yes. But I know that I’m supposed to ________ and every moment that I don’t do it, it feels farther away.

More distant. More likely to fail.

I’m also scared that it won’t be very good. I don’t feel like I have dominion over the other areas – not like I do the home parts. That I know – but what do I really know about relationships? Children? Career? 

You don’t know. But I do. And if you listen to me I will help you through.

Really? You will? I am going to need a whole bunch of interception.

Will this ______ change my life?

Yes. It will change your life. [Doing] it will change your life more than what happens afterwards.

It will teach you to be dedicated to a longterm project that incorporates massive healing for other people in a way that requires patience and dedication.

Well, I think Jess LC was kinda like that. It required patience and dedication. 

Yes, it did. But it was the income that drove you then. This isn’t about the income.

This ______ will be more about patience and dedication than Jess LC. You are going to have to bring yourself to this day and day out because you believe in it. 

It is more challenging this way. A different kind of stress.

The stress you will feel will be because of seeing yourself not align with your own vision of yourself.

Do I really have what it takes to _______? I don’t feel like I’m able to ______ very well. Well, I have had moments of it that were inspired by you. But not in such a sustained way. 

You don’t need it sustained, you need it each day one piece at a time. So don’t worry about it. I will provide the inspiration you need each day.

Enough for one day at a time.

Okay. Will I be happier after this?

You will be happier that you learned to push yourself in a new way. Like running the marathon. It will give you new resources to just keep going on other things in the future.

But the _______ will not fulfill you in the long run.

Nothing will.

Okay. So why should I _______?

Because the pain of not [doing] it now is worse than [doing] it.

Is it? 

Yes.

How do you know?

Because you are writing to me, aren’t you?

Yes. 

So there you go.

You want to [do] it so badly you’d talk to your gut for several pages just to help you overcome the resistance you feel.

But what if I don’t have enough ______ [for the project]? 

You will find them.

You really want me to [do] this, don’t you?

Yes.

Okay then. Please work through me. 

- //// -

It’s as simple as that.

Write out the questions you have.

Air your concerns and your fears.

See what comes to light.

You’ll notice that my gut didn’t tell me what was going to happen after I finished this project.

 

I’ve come to realize that there is a reason for that present moment wisdom in our intuitions — and not a Magic 8 Ball telling us what is going to happen over the next five years.

If we knew everything right now, we’d get so focused on what is coming in year four, that we wouldn’t be able to focus and execute today.

Which means whatever we are so fixated on in year four would likely never happen in the first place.

So if you are feeling lost, I hope that you try this exercise as a way to connect to that place within you that has the answers you seek.

 

May something wonderful happen to you today,

Jess!

 

PS – If this post may help someone you know, please share this with them.

 

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  • NoMad Luxuries

    I loved this! Thank you for sharing your convo. I feel like that there’s so much chatter in our minds and sitting down and writing to ourselves is a way to isolate those thoughts. Best of luck in your “project” and I’m hoping this exercise allows me to go forward on my own aspirations!

  • http://jesslively.com/ Jess Lively

    You are most welcome! I am so excited that you are going to try this and move forward in your own life, too!! : )

  • http://jesslively.com/ Jess Lively

    My pleasure, Karen. I’m glad you loved it.

  • Julia Garza

    I so needed to read this today! I do feel lost lately, and I realize now I’ve been ignoring my intuition almost completely. Hopefully I’ll have a chance to try the journaling exercise later today.

  • Heather

    Thank you for this <3

  • eunice

    i’ve said it and i will say it again – THANK YOU JESS!!! you have no idea how much encouragement you’ve been.

  • Ashley Wright

    Thanks for sharing this wisdom! I feel like sometimes what we hear from our intuition scares us from its authenticity. I think being in denial of ourselves and all the hard and sometimes painful work it takes to get to where we know we need to be for that peace and clarity is scary. That first step in faith is scary. I think that your sample ‘intuition convo’ hit it on the head… but this is scary what if I fail? Well… it’s part of your journey, and that journey isn’t always pretty, but guess what DO IT ANYWAYS! I needed to hear this :) Here’s to my big leap of faith!
    If there is anyone reading this comment also, if you have advice on taking that big step towards a goal, please share!

  • Ashley

    I needed this so much today! I started crying at my desk. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

  • MJ

    Thank you for this post. This is precisely my biggest struggle right now with moving forward in my business and life.

  • http://www.alisonkelleydesigns.com/ Alison Kelley

    Thank you Jess, you’re a true inspiration! Fear has been my nemesis for far too long!

  • Ceeb

    Writing is a wonderful way to force ourselves to slow down and listen. This is a great way to pray! Thanks for sharing your personal convo with us, too – this is what really made your message come alive, in my opinion. Hope you’re having a great day! Love, CB

  • Andrea

    Oh, Jess. Again with the timing;)

    My breakthrough is so close and yet it might as well be 10 years down the road by the way I’ve been procrastinating on certain things. I’m not feeling lost, really just overwhelmed by the prospect that I might finally have that “breakthrough moment”….and then what? Then the work really starts. I’m thinking I need some quiet moments to find out why I might be stalling – fear perhaps?

    The ONLY thing that keeps me going (and sane) is my faith in God, and KNOWING that He will show me every day what needs to be done. Not a month or year in advance, just every day.

    Little by little, from glory to glory:)

    Thanks, Jess<3

  • http://jesslively.com/ Jess Lively

    Hi Andrea, thank you for sharing! Yes, you’re right, the work begins, hand in hand with God, as you mentioned. Stalling is a way for our egos to delay ourselves. If you want to read a great book on the resistance we face, check out The War of Art. It may hit home for you. : )

    And I’m always reminded of that quote:

    “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

    ~ Anais Nin

  • http://jesslively.com/ Jess Lively

    Agreed! I’m glad you liked it. And yes, showing the process rather than just talking about it can be quite helpful!

    PS – We keep listening to the toast song. Mr. Lively didn’t love it at first, but now he’s hooked.

  • http://jesslively.com/ Jess Lively

    You are welcome, Alison! You might enjoy The Power of Vulnerability, The Power of Now, and The War of Art to help you with the fear. : )

  • http://jesslively.com/ Jess Lively

    You are welcome! I hope that you can find some clarity through trying this exercise for yourself. :)

  • http://jesslively.com/ Jess Lively

    Ashley, you are loved. You are wonderful. I hope you have a chance to take some time to do this exercise and see what you discover. : )

  • http://jesslively.com/ Jess Lively

    : ) You are welcome, Eunice! I hope that it practice is helpful for you!

  • http://jesslively.com/ Jess Lively

    You are welcome, Heather!

  • http://jesslively.com/ Jess Lively

    Awesome! Please let me know how it goes!

  • http://jesslively.com/ Jess Lively

    Yes! Well said. You cannot fail if you continue to move forward. Life will lead you to where you go. I like the metaphor Marianne Williamson uses that says our destiny is like a GPS system. If we go off course for a while it will always redirect us back from whatever wrong turn we took. So we don’t need to worry about failing, we can have faith that life will course correct us as we go along. : )

  • Megan Ksionda

    This came at a perfect time for me Jess! Thank you so much for sharing! :D

  • http://jesslively.com/ Jess Lively

    That’s so great to hear, Megan!

  • http://freshpaperstudios.com Emily R

    Thank you so much for this! And for sharing your own personal conversation with your intuition–it’s so personal and vulnerable–and gives me so much hope! I can’t even begin to tell you how fortunate I feel that I stumbled onto your blog just a couple weeks ago. First the webinar, then the Ask Me Anything and your book recommendation and now this–changing my life Jess!

  • rae

    i found your website for the first time today, and this post articulates certain ideas that bring me comfort in my personal moment of uncertainty (that of graduating from college and planning a new future). thank you for sharing. good luck with your own projects!

  • http://jesslively.com/ Jess Lively

    That is so great to hear, Rae! If you are looking for some other resources to help you through this time, you might want to check out the Intention Quick Start Guide (up at the top right of the blog) for links to posts, books, and habits that might help you during this transition time. : )

  • http://jesslively.com/ Jess Lively

    That is so wonderful to hear, Emily! I’m glad this has resonated with you so much and that the class and book are helping, too!

  • Kaly Sullivan

    Could not be more timely. Just had a nice long chat with myself and cleared a lot of cobwebs, re-centered myself, stopped flailing around and did some decent work. Thanks Jess!

  • http://jesslively.com/ Jess Lively

    That is SO great to hear! I’m glad you put it to work in your own life and found that peace, too!

  • http://brittannytaylor.com/ Brittanny

    Thanks for this. I’m still working on getting rid of this lost feeling. I really need to believe in myself and trust in my intuition. I know that is what’s holding me back but it’s so hard to get past that.

  • http://sagegrayson.com/ Sage Grayson

    This is such a beautiful, authentic post, Jess. I can’t wait to see what big things are in store for you and your business. :)

  • http://jesslively.com/ Jess Lively

    Aw, thank you, Sage! I really appreciate that. : ) I hope you are doing well, Hun! Can you believe we met in person at the workshop almost one year ago?

  • http://jesslively.com/ Jess Lively

    Totally. Perhaps giving yourself some time to write to your intuition might help you overcome some of that resistance. : )

  • http://www.sheismoments.com/ Maureen @SheisMoments

    Thanks Jess. In the exercise, do you write your questions and just listen for the answers. Or do you write down the answers too?

  • http://jesslively.com/ Jess Lively

    Yes, I do both. I listen for the answers and then write them down, as I showed above. As you can tell, it almost seems as if two different people are talking to each other (one is calm [intuition], the other is stressed out [ego]).

  • http://sagegrayson.com/ Sage Grayson

    I know! I learned so much during that workshop–and I’m still learning from you with your blog and podcast! My business is lightyears ahead of where it was a year ago, and I’m having more fun than ever. :)

  • http://jesslively.com/ Jess Lively

    AMAZING! : ) I am so, so, so happy for you!!!

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  • http://jesslively.com/ Jess Lively

    That is so wonderful to hear, Laura! I’m glad this came to you right when you needed it.

    And, I’m so happy to know you have been doing this already. : )

  • http://whatdresscodeblog.com/ Liz McAvoy

    This is a truly wonderful way to think about making a decision or climbing out of feeling lost… actually taking the time to write things down — or to just entirely remove distractions and think things through — is huge!

  • http://jesslively.com/ Jess Lively

    Exactly! It seems like reflection is becoming rare these days, but it is truly helpful. : )

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  • http://www.kelseysays.com Kelsey Sunstrum

    Hi Jess! Thanks again for the question-and-answer session – not only did it help me with my blog strategy, it was a nice bit of encouragement which never hurts.

    I think you’re so right about listening to your intuition. The trouble, for me at least, is learning to trust your intuition is ‘right.’ Or letting go of the idea that there is a definite right or wrong of a situation. I’ve employed similar written exercises in the past to great effect and will begin to incorporate some elements you shared here.

    Have a great weekend!

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  • http://jesslively.com/ Jess Lively

    That is wonderful to hear, Kelsey! And as far as the intuition being right… I think that comes in time as you implement what it says and see the results of those actions. For me, the more I act upon it’s wisdom, the easier it is to take the risks that are sometimes necessary to follow through on it’s guidance. : )

  • Kailey Marie Santos

    This was interesting. We’ve chatted before and had a consulting session and I still feel so lost and confused about where I am suppose to me. My life in the past few months has just gone awol. My business is DOA and my focus in life has completely diminished. I have been trying so hard to listen to God and get some sort of focus and vision …but nothing.

    This phase of my life, this “lost” phase, has to end sometime right?

  • http://jesslively.com/ Jess Lively

    Hi Kailey!

    First, I’m sorry to hear that things don’t feel clearer to you at this moment. But I promise, you are exactly where you are supposed to be right now. There is no way that you could be anywhere other than where you are supposed to be. When it comes to our “purpose,” it is to serve in the present moment, wherever we happen to find ourselves. (http://jesslively.com/the-most-overlooked-secret-to-finding-your-purpose/) So, wherever you are right now, serve those around you. Your husband, your friends, your clients, your boss (if you have one).

    The beauty of this reality is that *you don’t have to do the same thing forever.* Just think about how you want to help people next. And go do that. In whatever capacity you can. It doesn’t have to be a full-time job or business, just find a way to do what you want to do in a way that feels peaceful.

    And last but not least, I suggest actually sitting down and trying this exercise of writing to God. It is much easier to write it out than just think inside our heads to get the answers we want. Give this a shot.

    This phase will pass when you can accept where you are (this doesn’t mean you need to “like” where you are, you just need to stop fighting reality) and quiet your mind enough to get that guidance from your gut/God. Until the quiet comes, it will be hard to hear and act on what God wants you to do next. And, again, the good news is that if you can’t get that clarity right now, then perhaps you are meant to learn some lessons from this phase of your life before moving on to a new chapter.

    All is well. You are loved. You are exactly where you are. Trust that the path will be shown when the time is right. Become quiet and inquire within.

    Love,
    Jess!

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