Guys, I gotta admit, the last few days I’ve been scared.
Not like fearful or worried constantly… just moments of lulled uncertainty and contemplation. The past few days I’ve been alone unpacking while Mr. Lively is at work and before the Jess LC girls are back in the studio (which, by the way, is no where near ready yet).
Which has given me a lot of time to reflect.
While I waited (very) impatiently for this move and the general life transitions I’ve had lately, I now find myself in a completely new life.
I thought that I would feel resplendent. Triumphant. Confident.
I had designed my life with such great intention that I was able to take the steps needed to craft the life I always imagined.
But though the fairytale came true, the reality is that I am now in uncharted waters.
In a way I feel like a freshman during her first week in the college dorms. I went from big fish in a little pond to small fish in Lake Michigan.
I’ve never been a wife before. I’ve never lived in a home this expansive as an adult before. I’ve never ended my company before. And the life/career balance I’m striking in one month is pretty darn radical (I’ll explain more in November)… and I have no idea if it will really work.
Glancing around me I seek some sort of familiarity, even in my surroundings. But the truth is that I’ve designed so much of the new home with new decor better suited to the new space, that I don’t even recognize my own possessions as comforting. Mixing Mr. Lively’s belongings with my own, though great in the long run, is making my stuff feel even more foreign still.
Though I dreamed of this moment in time for the past three months incessantly, I look around myself and say “how did I get here?”
I have a lot of growing to do.
Needless to say, I know that time will help me learn and grow into this new life of mine. And thanks to Mr. Covey, I have the principals I need to help me navigate these uncharted waters.
But beyond it all, I am still humbled by the new life I live.
And if it ever seemed like I had it all ‘figured out’ this summer, I thought I did. But now I have a beginners mind.
Which really, is the best kind to have.