This weekend Mr. Lively and I found ourselves discussing a lot of “future, whens.”
In the future…
- When should we buy a home?
- When should we start having kids?
- When should we decide whether we’d like to relocate?
- Etc, etc.
The plethora of major life questions we (okay, mostly me) addressed was overwhelming.
You see, we find ourselves in a point in our lives when many of our friends are having children, some have houses in the ‘burbs, some are single, some are kicking their careers into high gear, and some are pulling back.
The life choices we made in their early to mid-20’s are now setting us up for very different experiences in our late 20’s or early 30’s.
There are no expectations. Only choices.
And though it is wonderfully liberating, it can also lead to analysis paralysis.
For Mr. Lively and I….
- We could try to buy a home as soon as next year. Or, we could wait 2-4 years, once we have our first child.
- We could start trying to have kids this year. Or, we could wait 2-3 years, once I’m feel ready to adjust my career to accommodate a child.
- We could try to move to the bay area. Or, we could settle down here in Chicago.
This future-dwelling felt important, imperative, even. Our peers are making these decisions right and left. So
we I felt compelled to do the same.
But once we stepped back and looked at our own lives and situations instead of our peers’, clarity emerged.
When we fully allowed ourselves to be present in our “here and now,” instead of the “future, when,” answers surfaced.
- We just settled into this apartment and we’d like to live here for 2-3 more years before buying a condo or home.
- We will revisit the children decision later this year and see how we feel. No pressure either way.
- Though we are open to change, we’d like to stay put and settle here in Chicago.
It all seemed obvious when we stopped looking for the answers outside ourselves.
Who knew it could be that simple?