It’s funny, for some reason I had an easier time sharing pictures of tampons and birth control than I do talking about something super intimate and important in my life.
But after thinking about it a lot, I’ve decided that keeping this side of my life a secret here on MML is not serving anyone. It doesn’t help you know me any better, or to realize what really goes through my mind in almost all major decisions, actions, and reactions. I have stayed away from the topic simply because:
a) I think faith of any kind is a personal one and what I believe should have no impact on anyone else.
b) Because I was afraid that it might in some way distance people here on MML.
However, that still leaves people completely at a loss for understanding who I really am. So my hope is that I can share my personal thoughts on this subject, how it’s impacted areas of my personal life, and let you really know my life includes faith. I will also mention right away that I do not want this post to seem as though I am trying to convert, convince, or encourage anyone to believe anything specific whatsoever. I think success is possible for everyone of any (or no) belief.
So here it goes…
I was raised Catholic when I was young and for most of my childhood I would consider myself pretty religious. It helped me escape things that were difficult and provided me with a lot of comfort. Then in college I went through a challenging period in my life where I literally re-thought everything I believed, including my faith. After many long afternoon walks my junior year of college, I had a better understanding of what I personally believed independent of any previous teaching. I also loved, devoured, and studied Buddhism and Confucianism in college through classes and outside reading. But my daily life was largely unchanged.
Then I graduated and moved to Chicago and started Jess LC full-time. This is where faith started to get pretty interesting to me. It started to come off the bookshelf and insert itself into my daily life, thoughts, and actions. A month or two into launching Jess LC in Chicago I had the massive realization that I would never have a paycheck the way employed people do. And the only thing to get me through that realization was the fact that I had to believe that the money would come, that things would work out, and that I was meant to do what I was doing in some greater context. Though this may not really be true, it provided me with a lot of comfort.
I began to rely on what I believed God was (the best way I can describe that for me is Love and energy) and that by following principals laid out in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Buddhism, and Christianity. When I had moments of complete darkness as to what to do next with the business, I prayed. When ends looked like they weren’t going to meet, I prayed. When I went through a long, painful breakup, I prayed like crazy. By last summer my life in so many ways was governed by prayer and seeking through my patchwork quilt of faith.
For me, prayer is usually in the form of letters to myself or to what I consider the Holy Spirit (the part of me that is detached from my ego and can see and execute what my spirit really wants deep down inside).
Last year I began to expand beyond my Buddhist readings to include a lot of Christian teachings. I randomly found Joyce Meyer’s Enjoying Everyday Life program on TV and started Tivo-ing it daily. It became my lifeline whenever I was having trouble with areas of my life. In order to rectify her Christian teachings with my own I simply insert different vocabulary into her messages. To me, the devil is my ego, Jesus is a teacher who has reached enlightenment, and so forth. The teachings themselves are incredibly easy to relate to and her own story is insanely inspiring. She applies thoughts like the manure in life helps you grow in God (which I adapted for yesterday’s post), and she used a pregnancy analogy to compare Christians who know better but don’t apply the teachings in real life (which triggered my thought on Friday).
I also started reading the A Course In Miracles workbook last year as well. In fact, so much of my “thinking with intention” posts come from some kind of teaching or idea that has sprung from some aspect of faith in my life. And I can honestly say that through this winding road of faith I have learned an immense amount, felt more confidence in my business decisions, and more peace with the challenges that lie ahead that I would normally be able to muster.
So there you have it. This is me. A person who makes many mistakes along the way but always strives to do what is right and best. And when things get hard, I write/pray, and seek out teachings on areas that may help me with the challenge at hand. It doesn’t make me perfect (it never will), but it does help me continually become a kinder, more intentional Jess Constable.