I’m really confused this week. I’m pretty frustrated with myself. It kind of feels like I am not getting anywhere. I really do know that these things take time but for the last couple of weeks I have felt like I have lost my sense of clarity. After I posted about how I had made the decision about the type of business I wanted to start I was super excited and ready to move forward in full force. But the problem is that I didn’t move forward. I began to avoid the business class I was taking like the plague. I turned my focus during my free time to decorating my house. I allowed myself to get completely distracted from taking tangible action in the direction of starting my own business. What the heck happened?
My ideas about what I want to do keep shifting and it’s kind of driving me crazy. At this point I feel like I need to take some steps back. I need to get clear again. I need to play and explore and get my hands dirty doing stuff that makes me genuinely happy and brings me joy.
I am currently reading The Creative Habit by Twyla Tharpe. She is a pretty cool woman who is a choreographer and has a really compelling take on developing habits of creativity in daily life. In chapter 2 of her book she says…
“A warm, secure dancer can work without fear. In that state of physical and psychic warmth, dancers touch their moments of greatest physical potential. They’re not afraid to try new movements. They can trust their bodies, and that’s when magic happens. When they’re not warm, dancers are afraid – afraid of injury, afraid of looking bad to others, afraid they’re falling short of the inner bar they set for themselves. That’s a rotten state to be in.”
I was a dancer for more than 15 years. In all my years of ballet there wasn’t a single class that didn’t begin by warming up at the barre. Not one. I never questioned it but I never truly understood it either. I thought it was just practice. And it’s true that it was practice but now I see that it was so much more. Not only did it improve my technique but it got my body and mind warm. It removed barriers to my potential. It generated trust in myself, eliminated fears of injury as well as insecurities and brought me into an entirely new realm of possibilities. It set the stage for magic to happen.
So I have decided to go back to the barre. The place where a solid foundation is set for success. I have decided that for 30 minutes everyday for at least the next week I will go back to my foundation. I will paint. There is something about pushing paint around a page with a brush that moves my soul to sing. I don’t feel like I am that great at painting but that’s not the point. Painting brings me joy and opens my spirit to creative possibilities. I need that right now.
I feel kind of embarrassed to say that I have to take a step back at this point but it’s the truth. It’s where I am at on my journey.
Thanks for your continued support. I am so grateful for each person who leaves a comment and even for those who just read the posts quietly and I am especially grateful for Jess, thank you for believing in me. I feel so honored to have this opportunity to share this part of my life with everyone.
Has anyone else hit this sort of block and needed to re-group and re-center themselves?