fear of rejection

 

Today I’d like to be honest with you about something I’ve been struggling with the last week or two.

Lately I’ve found that as good things happen in my life, I’ve started to sense a shadow of doubt and fear creep into my thoughts.

Rather than be completely happy, excited, and peaceful, I’ve noticed a lingering worry about how people might criticize my choices.

In real life I’m not very worried nor am I worried about anyone who has been following my journey for some time here on MML. But online where people can find you and make snap judgements, I’ve sensed a hesitation in my step as I blaze a new trail for myself.

I’ve become more concerned with escaping judgment than I have about doing what’s right for me.

You see I’m a very sensitive person and the idea of making people unhappy makes me extremely uncomfortable. So much so that it makes me forget why I’m here in the first place: to help others.

And while I share my life, decisions, and intentions here on MML I hope that my story encourages people to take from it what they will and design their own life with their own intentions.

So far from many emails and stories I’ve heard, this has been the case. And for that I am deeply grateful.

But lately my fear of people hating my decisions or shaming me has clouded my mind.

Avoiding the negative aspects of blogging has been more prevalent recently than increasing the positive aspects of helping people.

While it would be wonderful if no one ever criticized online, it’s not a current reality.

We can only adjust our perspective.

So this weekend I’ve spent a lot of time praying and thinking about how I can choose to see these fears differently.

And I’ve come to some realizations that will help me immensely if  I truly embrace them.

My first realization while praying about my fears was that what people say is a reflection of themselves and where they are coming from – it is not a reflection of us. Sure, gentle criticism with the hope of truly loving and helping one another will always be useful. “But if it is not coming from a place of love, it is not real” (a quote from A Course in Miracles) and ultimately not very effective in creating positive change.

Which means we are all responsible for making sure that our words online and offline reflect love and appreciation, especially if we want to help someone.

This idea also popped up in a recent Daily Love post, as Mastin Kip says, “if you feel that other people are only looking for what’s wrong in you – can you send them Love and Compassion because you know that this is nothing but a projection of how they feel about themselves and has NOTHING to do with you? This is how we are being called to see the world – with the eyes of Love. We see the innocence; we see the pain of others and we do not take it personally because we know it is just a part of their projection. And, we know that we also project onto others, so we do our best to stop that and to send only Love. Sometimes, you have to send Love from a distance, but send Love anyway!

Further, I think it’s important for myself and everyone in the blogosphere to remember we are all imperfect humans sharing our flaws and moments of divine brilliance as best as possible. We are not promising to be perfect as we come to our computers each day. We are not asking to be judged and found wanting. We are asking to feel love and connection with one another.

And while that fearful part of my brain screams “don’t publish this, you might just bring on more criticism, exactly what you are trying to avoid!” I know that by pressing publish I might also have the chance to help others out there like me. There may be sensitive people who need to find a positive way of looking at the ups and downs of sharing our lives online in order to share their gift.

I love you. Thank you for reading. I hope this helped.

This Post Has 16 Comments

  1. Jess, I love your blog for so many reasons, but one reason that I keep coming back to it (or immediately click on the link when I see you have a new post up, even though I could be doing work), is your openness, honesty, and the love and care that radiate from your words. I was thinking the other day about successful people, and what it was about them that I admired, and you were at the top of my list for many reasons, but I kept coming back to the fact that you run three successful businesses, but overall you champion other people. You are able to build your success by helping others, and making them ‘successful’, or encouraging them, or championing their work. But you’re not just encouraging them so that YOU can be successful – you genuinely want them to succeed, and that inherent goodness, I think, contributes to your success and what makes you so incredible. Your example inspires me to live a better life, and to try and encourage and help others, too. So, thank you. 🙂

  2. ChristinaO

    I am SO glad you hit ‘publish’. I agree completely! I’ve been wanting to START a blog for a long time now and having those same types of fears has held me back. You’ve helped me be a little braver. ThankYou!

  3. Yuui

    Gotta rmb that Just because they like ONE thought/idea/post doesn’t mean they will like all.

    For me, I just rmb what my friend said to me: We are born to be amazing. And that sentence had made me confident when I needed to venture into the sea.

  4. Yuui

    Gotta rmb that Just because they like ONE thought/idea/post doesn’t mean they will like all.

    For me, I just rmb what my friend said to me: We are born to be amazing. And that sentence had made me confident when I needed to venture into the sea.

  5. kelsey

    Great post; I had a similar conversation with a friend a few weeks ago that opened my eyes. Since then, I’ve been trying to make decisions based on faith rather than fear. I’ve found that I can only live outside God’s will for my life for a short time – until it’s not worth the discomfort anymore. It’s time for me to step out in faith (rather than stay where I am because of fear) in a few areas on my life very SOON.

  6. AdeOla

    I understand how you feel, and where you are coming from. I struggle with that same issue daily, and it is important that you know where it is coming from and how to contend with it. I still find that hard to do As I dream of opening up more on my blog by talking about both the good and bad. I also want to share my faith more and i struggle with combining that with what I do with JostWrite, but each day God finds a away through me to display all that He is even in my fear, but more powerfully through my faith.

  7. AdeOla

    I understand how you feel, and where you are coming from. I struggle with that same issue daily, and it is important that you know where it is coming from and how to contend with it. I still find that hard to do As I dream of opening up more on my blog by talking about both the good and bad. I also want to share my faith more and i struggle with combining that with what I do with JostWrite, but each day God finds a away through me to display all that He is even in my fear, but more powerfully through my faith.

  8. This is an incredibly inspiring post, Jess. You write with such thought. I think I allow fear to guide me in a lot of my actions (way beyond my blog, although that is affected by fear as well). This is an interesting topic and something I plan to spend some time thinking about. Thank you. And we love you too.

  9. This is an incredibly inspiring post, Jess. You write with such thought. I think I allow fear to guide me in a lot of my actions (way beyond my blog, although that is affected by fear as well). This is an interesting topic and something I plan to spend some time thinking about. Thank you. And we love you too.

  10. Thankyou for your honesty and courage in sharing this post, Jess.
    This is a slightly different angle, but I’m currently in the midst of jobhunting, so I’ve been getting plenty of rejections! (Okay, nothing BUT rejections. Sigh.) I just keep reminding myself that it’s NOT because I’m not an awesome rockstar, it’s simply because I’m not what those companies/organizations need right now. Or maybe they just can’t HANDLE my rockstar awesomeness! =)

  11. I really believe I needed to read this post this week Jess, so thank you for sharing! I often find that I do things just to please other people – behave a certain way, post certain things, etc. I’ve been battling with this lately, especially because I tend to feel like if I don’t do things a certain way, I’ll be embarrassed, alienated or shamed. I feel like your post is a great word of encouragement, so thank you <3

  12. Karlita

    Oh i deal with this everyday! To the point that sometimes i lie about where i eat, where i go or how much i love my husband because i feel that most of the people around me have fewer options or cant travel or havent found the man. I am afraid of hurting people or attracting envy to my life; the more good things no one knows about my life, the better I feel. I think this fear is partly a projection of my story. I hated when in the past, The people I loved, used to share with me their great life and I had mixed feelings feeling good about them but feeling more sad about myself. Now I just dont want to make anyone feel the way I once felt. Got to work with that fear. Thanks for this post which applies to myself and to the possible criticism i may receive.

    About you, i sense nothing but overflowing love (by your writing and by our long ago call-thanks), you are the last person in the blogosphere I would doubt about her intentions. whether I agree with your life designs or not, i always know that you are sharing the way it worked or is working in your case with the intention to help as many as possible. Thanks for that!

  13. Karlita

    Oh i deal with this everyday! To the point that sometimes i lie about where i eat, where i go or how much i love my husband because i feel that most of the people around me have fewer options or cant travel or havent found the man. I am afraid of hurting people or attracting envy to my life; the more good things no one knows about my life, the better I feel. I think this fear is partly a projection of my story. I hated when in the past, The people I loved, used to share with me their great life and I had mixed feelings feeling good about them but feeling more sad about myself. Now I just dont want to make anyone feel the way I once felt. Got to work with that fear. Thanks for this post which applies to myself and to the possible criticism i may receive.

    About you, i sense nothing but overflowing love (by your writing and by our long ago call-thanks), you are the last person in the blogosphere I would doubt about her intentions. whether I agree with your life designs or not, i always know that you are sharing the way it worked or is working in your case with the intention to help as many as possible. Thanks for that!

  14. Jess

    Thank you guys, so, so much. I will say that I’m feeling better having come out about this! I’m still not 100% back to my normal self yet, but I sense it coming. And I’d rather be honest with you when I don’t have it all perfectly together, rather than just coming here when I feel great.

    I really appreciate you, ladies. We can all go out there and just do our best!

  15. Jess

    Thank you guys, so, so much. I will say that I’m feeling better having come out about this! I’m still not 100% back to my normal self yet, but I sense it coming. And I’d rather be honest with you when I don’t have it all perfectly together, rather than just coming here when I feel great.

    I really appreciate you, ladies. We can all go out there and just do our best!

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