it’s good and real

 

While on the phone last night with my good friend Emily, I found myself repeating a few times “it’s good and real” in connection to my relationship with Mr. Lively.

As I noticed myself saying it, I connected a few dots and had a little a-ha moment.

To be honest, coming into our relationship, I was determined to make/have the “right” relationship with him. One that is perfectly intentional, is a perfect inspiration to others, and fulfills me in every way imaginable.

(This is back during the time when I had blond highlights too.)

As you can imagine, those high impossible expectations left me constantly worried and stressed during all the moments that the relationship didn’t feel “right” in the ways I described above.

I wanted to not only be a better person because of him, I wanted to be a perfect-ish person because of him.

I wanted to feel like running marathons again, making a million dollars, jumping out of bed every morning, and simply being in awe that “he would choose me?!?!

Instead, I often felt like: running when I felt like it, growing my business organically and intentionally, and getting out of bed sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. And I was pretty clear on why he chose me.

I’m intentional, goofy, and I shower him with affection and attention.

(I’m also an anxious over-thinker [see blond highlights].)

Anyways, I have been unpacking this whole concept of “right” and have finally learned how to allow things to be great and flawed in our relationship simultaneously.

We have a lot of great things going for us as individuals and as a couple. But there are still things we both need to work on and things we need to accept about one another.

To many people, I’m sure this isn’t rocket science. You may be nodding and thinking, “duh, Jess, get with the program.”

And you’re right, I did know all along deep down in my spirit that this is the case, but my ego would not allow for those cracks, flaws, or imperfections to exist without the nagging feelings of doubt and fear.

It was a wrestle-mania smack down between my spirit and my ego, and thankfully my spirit won (again).

And this good and real concept also applies to our bodies, our careers, our purpose, our home, our business, our friendships, our parents, our kids, our hamster, and any other thing that exists.

So when our ego urges us to wage a war against something in our lives, perhaps we need to check in and see if we need to allow the duality of idealism and reality to exist.

Peacefully. With acceptance.

Then the joy can seep back in.

This Post Has 14 Comments

  1. I really loved this post and can relate. It’s hard to stop trying to force things and just be. It’s also easy to forget that the flaws can actually help us grow and teach us things about ourselves and about others.

  2. I really loved this post and can relate. It’s hard to stop trying to force things and just be. It’s also easy to forget that the flaws can actually help us grow and teach us things about ourselves and about others.

  3. How do you always manage to write about what I really need to hear in the mornings! Good and real… it works for everything I am trying to accomplish right now.

  4. Anna

    Hi Jess! I just wanted to let you know how delighted I feel to have found my way back to your website and blogs, both this one and the Business with Intention site. This is exactly what I need right now!

    I’m at a point where I am getting ready to relaunch my small art business, and I so enjoy reading your wise learnings both pertaining to business and to life – because somewhere in that intersection is of course where we live!

    In terms of content, I would love to learn more about websites, platforms, selecting a designer/programmer/features recommended… I am getting ready to step up from a separate, free, blog + website landing page + shop to a more “whole” solution, but find myself hesitate a bit as to what to do next. I am thinking of asking local firms for website quotes, but I don’t quite know what exactly I need/don’t need and what will be a good solution for me long term – without costing a fortune… Being an artist, I can (hopefully) do the layout/graphics myself, but still, how does one determine the platform, webhost, cost, etc. Well, you don’t need to respond to this here and now, I just happened to mention what’s at the forefront of my mind this very minute!

    Thanks again, Jess – and I also just loved your post about inauthentic intentions! I feel that there is pressure to keep stepping up, and almost not ok to feel content with where one is right now…

  5. Paige

    You are so incredibly dead-on with this post! It’s just like what you said several days ago about worrying that he doesn’t complete you. These fairy tale ideas are what we think romance should be like (thanks to rom-coms, etc), but when it’s good and real you feel good and real. What more could a gal want? And while it may not be butterflies and fireworks every single day, those moments when you feel both are that much more wonderful for it. I can so relate to what you said about those cracks, flaws, and imperfections leading to doubt and fear and I’m so grateful that you verbalized it because I totally couldn’t : ) I feel inspired to take those moments of doubt and fear and turn them into opportunities for change or acceptance instead. Thanks!

  6. Paige

    You are so incredibly dead-on with this post! It’s just like what you said several days ago about worrying that he doesn’t complete you. These fairy tale ideas are what we think romance should be like (thanks to rom-coms, etc), but when it’s good and real you feel good and real. What more could a gal want? And while it may not be butterflies and fireworks every single day, those moments when you feel both are that much more wonderful for it. I can so relate to what you said about those cracks, flaws, and imperfections leading to doubt and fear and I’m so grateful that you verbalized it because I totally couldn’t : ) I feel inspired to take those moments of doubt and fear and turn them into opportunities for change or acceptance instead. Thanks!

  7. Jess

    Thank you all so much! Paige, I’m so glad this resonated with you so strongly!

    Anna, it sounds like you have a lot on your mind! The quick answer is to say that if you are looking up integrated shopping cart sites for your art business that will allow people to check out online, Big Cartel or Shopify are great sites to work with. This would also require you to find a web designer who is a good fit to make it look and function as you’d like. To find one, I would suggest looking at the sites that have a similar look or function to your ideal site, and see who made those sites (usually you can find links at the bottom of pages) and reach out and find out their rates, etc.

    If you’d like to discuss this further one-on-one, we will be covering these topics in our Business with Intention workshops in Chicago and DC (more to come in the months ahead too) or via one-on-one consulting.

  8. Eliza

    Posts like these are why I look forward to reading your blog every single day! xoxo, eliza

  9. Eliza

    Posts like these are why I look forward to reading your blog every single day! xoxo, eliza

  10. rose

    good and real; the most perfect sentiment to guide me through all manner of sticky perfectionistic moments! thanks jess!

  11. rose

    good and real; the most perfect sentiment to guide me through all manner of sticky perfectionistic moments! thanks jess!

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