While on the phone last night with my good friend Emily, I found myself repeating a few times “it’s good and real” in connection to my relationship with Mr. Lively.
As I noticed myself saying it, I connected a few dots and had a little a-ha moment.
To be honest, coming into our relationship, I was determined to make/have the “right” relationship with him. One that is perfectly intentional, is a perfect inspiration to others, and fulfills me in every way imaginable.
(This is back during the time when I had blond highlights too.)
As you can imagine, those
high impossible expectations left me constantly worried and stressed during all the moments that the relationship didn’t feel “right” in the ways I described above.
I wanted to not only be a better person because of him, I wanted to be a perfect-ish person because of him.
I wanted to feel like running marathons again, making a million dollars, jumping out of bed every morning, and simply being in awe that “he would choose me?!?!”
Instead, I often felt like: running when I felt like it, growing my business organically and intentionally, and getting out of bed sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. And I was pretty clear on why he chose me.
I’m intentional, goofy, and I shower him with affection and attention.
(I’m also an anxious over-thinker [see blond highlights].)
Anyways, I have been unpacking this whole concept of “right” and have finally learned how to allow things to be great and flawed in our relationship simultaneously.
We have a lot of great things going for us as individuals and as a couple. But there are still things we both need to work on and things we need to accept about one another.
To many people, I’m sure this isn’t rocket science. You may be nodding and thinking, “duh, Jess, get with the program.”
And you’re right, I did know all along deep down in my spirit that this is the case, but my ego would not allow for those cracks, flaws, or imperfections to exist without the nagging feelings of doubt and fear.
It was a wrestle-mania smack down between my spirit and my ego, and thankfully my spirit won (again).
And this good and real concept also applies to our bodies, our careers, our purpose, our home, our business, our friendships, our parents, our kids, our hamster, and any other thing that exists.
So when our ego urges us to wage a war against something in our lives, perhaps we need to check in and see if we need to allow the duality of idealism and reality to exist.
Peacefully. With acceptance.
Then the joy can seep back in.