letting go

To be honest, the past few weeks have been a bit rough for me. No need to worry too much, but let’s just say that I’ve been struggling to find life balance lately. In fact, things are good overwhelmingly great. Which in itself brings a whole new set of lessons.

I feel like the gratitude I’ve felt in the past has equaled the blessings I’ve had in my life. It looked something like this:

Amount of Gratitude = Amount of Blessings

But recently I feel like this:

Amount of Gratitude < Amount of Blessings

This is strange, unfamiliar territory. I’m learning how to grow my gratitude to fit the overflowing of blessings. I’ve even wondered if there is a limit to gratitude that can be felt at any one time. I feel like I’m at capacity, I’m 100% grateful. And yet that still doesn’t seem to encompass or do justice to the (seemingly) 150% of blessings in my life. I’m not sure if this is making sense, but it’s the best way I can describe it.

Due to the fact that I’m so overwhelmed by the goodness in my life at the moment, I’ve been feeling overwhelmed in other areas of my life in not-so-good ways. I’ve been eating more unconsciously, spending slightly unaware, and there are dozens of thoughts – both negative and positive – swirling inside my brain. This thought tornado has left me unsettled, uncomfortable, and again – feeling overwhelmed.

Because of all of this anxiety this morning, I decided to make some worry flashcards to stop my spinning mind. The flashcards paired with the quote (above) from Keira were amazing in helping me see what needed to be done.

I first began sharing my blessings with others so that they can flow to me and also through me. I think the blessings are kind of like a river and I don’t want to be the dam that stops the current. I also need to let go of a lot of negative thoughts which are weighing me down.

By performing this “mind makeunder,” I think I’ll find an equilibrium.

Thanks for listening.

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  1. Maddie

    Love the idea of worry flashcards…I think I need to make a set too!

    But more importantly: virtual hugs. Feel better, and best of luck regaining that sense of balance in your life.

  2. Helena

    One thing I struggle with, Jess, is guilt. If I’m not feeling like I’m being grateful enough, I feel guilty about it and in the end it becomes a negative spiral. Not sure if this applies to you, but it’s something to think about perhaps.

  3. Jess

    @ Maddie: Thank you so much for your “hug!”

    @ Helena: You are exactly right, that is how I was feeling! Guilty. I should feel more grateful because I have so much more, but I felt unable to ever meet the level of gratitude and blessings.

    Thanks for letting me know that you have felt that way before as well.

  4. hannah

    Wow! It’s good to know you read your email:) Thanks for always being so honest. You’ve got so much to give.

  5. Jess

    @ Hannah: Yep, I read my email all the time and do my best to get to it all as soon as I can… sometimes it takes days to get through it all. 🙂

    Thank you for the quote, it was just what the doctor ordered.

  6. I think the fact that you are conscious of this makes you more gracious than you believe! 🙂

  7. Linda

    Jess,
    Sometimes, with success come underlying fears: I don’t deserve this, it’ll all fall apart because I got cocky, etc…and sometimes the anxiety shows itself in other ways (nibbling, procrastinating)…what you described is how I sometimes feel when things are “too good”- just more to think about!

  8. Emily

    you will find it Jess!!! 🙂 You are a huge blessing in my life!

  9. Let blessings flow through you, and towards others. How beautiful 🙂 I may quote you on that…

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