love languages

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LoveLanguagesOver the past few weeks Mr. Lively and I have been reading The 5 Love Languages aloud together and it has been pretty enlightening.

Though I reminded Mr. Lively on several occasions before we started reading, that I am fluent in all 5 love languages and therefore require every love language in very high and equal levels… this has proven to be false.

Even once I acquiesced that I might not be every language, my ego secretly hoped that my language would be gifts.

Because who wouldn’t want to read a book that tells your husband to give you more gifts?!

However, I have now come to recognize my true love language is quality time.

Which totally makes sense.

I am pretty adamant that we spend a lot (read: insane amounts) of time together.

On the other hand, Mr. Lively’s love language is words of affirmation.

Which was surprisingly not my own language. As long as I hear “I love you” at least seven times a day, I’m set. But Mr. Lively likes to hear more than just sweet nothings. He likes to be given more varied positive feedback on a consistent basis.

And when it comes to Franklin, we are quite honestly torn.

I am pretty sure his dialect is gifts treats.

You should see this dog when he has a frozen peanut butter Kong. 

Whereas Mr. Lively thinks that his pup language is words of affirmation, like himself.

For reference, this was mentioned in a conversation about Franklin’s weight and whether he had one too many of the aforementioned frozen peanut butter Kongs.

Mr. Lively insisted that I was hurting the pup’s feelings by being so critical and insensitive. He surmised that because I was ignoring Franklin’s pup language, Franklin preferred him more than me.

But in all seriousness, I think the book can be really enlightening not just to learn about your partner, but also to understand what you really want most out of a relationship.

For me, it’s not about getting little surprises, like I expected. It is about spending a Sunday afternoon walking around Evanston with my hubba and my puppa.


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  1. Jamie Lee

    Ha!! This really made me laugh because my love language is also quality time, but at first I also thought that they were all my languages and then secretly hoped for gifts as well!!

  2. Jennifer Garcia

    That is a GREAT book. My language is Acts of Service which hit me like a ton of bricks b/c Hubby is not handy and hates when I ask him to do anything. But he does all the cooking and grocery shopping so I can’t complain. I LOVE that book.

    1. Nice! I’m excited to know someone with Acts of Service! (I kinda want to know people from every language now.)

      I’m happy to hear you were able to get the acts you desire with your husband! What is his language?

      1. Jennifer Garcia

        He’s QT and touch. and I’m not a touchy person. We’ve always known that. Makes it hard when I want to clean or ‘do’ stuff when we get home and he just wants to hug. 🙂

  3. Caitlin

    Trevor and I are trying to get the boo on tape version (Trevor’s preferred method of reading). I have a hunch that I’m Words of Affirmation but curious to see if I’m wrong!

  4. Maureen

    I went to Northwestern for undergrad and it looks like you are right near campus! Evanston is one of my favorite places on earth!
    I read this book also, and I still don’t know what language I am!

    1. That’s awesome! Mr. Lively and I were talking about the possibility of moving there at some point in the future… not sure though. : ) Happy to know that you liked it so much!

      I think they might have a quiz you could take to find out your language on the website actually!

  5. Sarah G

    I just HAD to go take the quiz. I tied between quality time and physical touch, which shocked me because I am not a schmoopy lovey dovey kind of girl. But… it is probably dead on. Was cracking up at the gifts questions though- every answer seemed to be a very slight variation on “I wish he would surprise me with gifts.” I am as materialistic as the next girl but these answers just seemed ridiculous.

    Also, have you figured out your Enneagram type? It seems right up your alley. Of all personality theories, this one has helped me the most, although it took me YEARS to figure out (admit to myself?) my type.

    1. Nice! I haven’t personally taken the quiz, so I can’t speak to the questions, but that’s so interesting!

      I have not heard about the Enneagram type, I’ll check it out, thanks! : )

  6. That’s such a great point. I would like to use this for my kids as well. Thank you for sharing!

  7. Charlotte

    My love language was also quality time.. I love spending time together even if all we do is watch mad men on the sofa. My boyfriend always insists our cat loves him most because he is always saying nice things to him, whereas I’ll point out if he is getting a little chunky, or if he needs to have a wash… I think the cat loves me best though, animals appreciate honesty 😉

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